12/12/12 - My Mother Robin's 68th Birthday.

We have all been told about this most auspicious day and many have planned events to celebrate or prepare for the disaster to come, depending on whether you are a pessimist or an optimist.

Nothing has prepared me for this day and I have entered into it with much else on my mind. 2012 has been quite the year and much has happened in my life. One year ago, my mother Robin was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and she is now at a stage where there are many things that confuse her. Her level of cognition is such now that she will remember certain things and hang on to those things tightly because nothing else is making sense to her.

I am quite sure that she will remember that it is her birthday which is interesting in itself as I never really remember her liking her birthday that much. But I was thinking about what my daughter and I could do to wish her a happy birthday and let her know that we remembered which is rather ironic knowing that we are not far off her not remembering us. If we talk to her on the phone, she will often forget that we called and if we go see her, there is nothing to remind her we were there, so we sang Happy Birthday to her and made sure it went on the answering machine so that my mum Christine can play it to her every time she says,  "Why didn't Janet call for my birthday? " or "Did Boedicea wish me a Happy Birthday?"

I have spent 2012 watching my mother Robin disappear at an alarming rate, piece by piece of her reality, her personality and her memories leaving her faster than any of the rest of us can keep up with. I can see for myself and for many others that yes, this day is causing a great shift in our world and yet the shift is within, not dissimilar to what happens with Alzheimer's. A shift inside each person I know has been occurring this year changing how they perceive the outside world and what they expect to get from within and what they expect to get from outside of themselves.

What I can see in having been around Alzheimer's for the last year is that those of us who will fare well are those who see the positive in each and every change that we have been lucky enough to be part of. That is right, I see it as lucky to be going through changes in my life and I am grateful for all those around me supporting my dreams. I know that my mom Robin is in a place where she is fearful of what will come and the truth is that Alzheimer's is fatal. The anxiety shows up and she becomes miserable. At the same time, I can see that when she is in a place of peace, she has almost a delighted look on her face.

So on December 12, 2012 my mother Robin turns 68 and even though the woman I grew up with has disappeared, there is a replacement that physically resembles her and I wish her the happiest of birthdays and most of all I wish her internal peace a gift I think we all could use. I will focus on Grace.

Happy 12/12/12. Make your life your own.

March 2012 Northern California coast

at mine and Christine's Wedding

Janet