What being a parent means to me.

I had my first child when I was 18 years old, 3 months and 1 day before my 19th birthday. I had no doubt at the time that it was a lifetime commitment and was not one that I took on without realizing the all encompassing role that I would have for the rest of my life. I have now been a mother for well over half my life. I am also now a grandmother.

First and foremost, as a Mother, I am protector, caregiver, confidante, provider, guardian, teacher, prophet, leader, friend, guide, champion, motivator, messenger, nurturer, safety-net, the stability in my children's lives, a constant.

I am going to breakdown each one of those words to describe what it means to me.

Protector - If my child is in a place where he or she could be harmed physically, spiritually or emotionally, it is my job to intervene. An example is (physically) that when a child does not have his papers submitted for his green card, it was my job to tell him to get his ass in gear and get it done. Spiritually - when someone is directing angry energy towards my child, I intervene both with talking and protective energy to keep her safe. Emotionally - when my son was being teased for being gay in elementary school, I intervened and made it stop.

Caregiver - to make sure that they are taken care of - fed, clothed, housed. meeting their basic needs.

Confidante - being there to hear them when they have something that they are having a hard time with. Listening to them and sharing what wisdom I have to help them through the struggle they are having.

Provider - to be able to provide a safe refuge for them to come home to. Have good food, a safe home and all of the schooling that I can possibly afford to give them, everything they need. This includes extra curricular activities like dance, music lessons, film programs, art, sports etc.

Guardian - It is my job to protect them where they need it. When one of my children asked me why I was still making decisions for him when he was 15, I told him it was because it was still my responsibility to override a decision he made if I deemed it to be unsafe for him. That role remains intact until the child turns 19.

Teacher - to provide them with enough knowledge and skills to be able to be all of this to themselves and to their own children. This is ongoing and is a responsibility that I believe I have until the day I die. As they get older, they are also able to teach me. This goes from one way to reciprocal with their growth and age.

Prophet - when children are young, in my mind a parent is their to help them believe that they can be and do anything. Very few parents are able to help children realize their dreams and children have dreams that change. It is my job to show them the brightness of their lives to come. This is, in my mind, especially important as a parent can squash a child's dreams more effectively than anyone else. This is not only done by telling kids that they cannot do something, but also by putting to much pressure on a child or by not listening to what the child wants. As parents, we are the almighty and as children grow they question the almighty to learn their own power.

Leader - It is my job to lead them in the right direction with intuition, discernment and knowledge as my guide.

Friend - This one is important. Not every child has a parent as a best friend, however, it is important to be a friend to them and teach them what it is to be a friend. My mother taught me this and I hope that I have successfully taught my children. Exploring and defining what friendship means to them can only happen if they have had a friend and their first friend will be there parent(s).

Guide - Like the light in the dark. When a child is feeling at their worst, the parent guides them through whatever issue they are going through, giving them tools to manage. This is also linked to Teacher and we use that role to teach them how to be their own guide.

Champion - to believe in them, to egg them on to be the best they can be, to constantly tell them how good they are at whatever they do and to guide them to be even better.

Motivator - to kick their asses when they think they can't go on. To help them get tools to get past each struggle they have. Teach them that success is a good thing and that they not only deserve it, but should always strive towards it. Teach them that they are the only ones to hold themselves back and a parent's job is to not allow them to do that.

Messenger - To be able to give them the messages they need to hear in spiritual matters, guiding them to find and nurture their own spirituality. Allowing the messages to come to them and showing them where they might find them when they cannot find them on their own. Allowing them the time and space to shun spirituality and continue giving them the message that they are whole and complete the way they are.

Nurturer - This is more ethereal than anything else and may be hard for me to describe. To water them as necessary, feed them when they are hungry and to let them have quiet time when they need it, allowing them the chance to grow, just like flowers in a garden. To nurture is not to hover over and watch their every move, but to allow them the space and time to grow giving them all the tools they need to do that and allowing them to do it on their own as and when they should, while always being in the background watching to see if a storm is coming and taking what you need to protect them at that moment.

Safety-net - being there to catch them when they fall.

The stability in my children's lives/a constant - These two are essentially the same thing and it has to do with unconditional love. Unconditional love is not about unconditional acceptance. I will not accept boundaries being crossed, but I can still love the person. It means that no matter what they will always be close family. Part of that inner circle that you expect to spend the rest of your life with in one way or another. When their world is falling apart and they feel that they have nowhere to turn and nothing to stand on you are there, loving them. You have made a commitment to continue to parent them which encompasses all of the above until the day you (or they) die.

That is what being a parent means to me.